Dave Barry Learns Everything You Need to Know About Being a Husband From Reading 50 Shades of Grey

M.L. Swift:

In a hilarious attempt to understand women, Dave Barry, one of my contemporary literary heroes, actually read E.L. James’s Fifty Shades of Grey and shared his thoughts in Time Magazine online. I bet Anastasia’s inner goddess wishes she had a ball-gag about now. Enjoy the review; I’m sure it’s more entertaining than the book.

Originally posted on TIME:

So I read Fifty Shades of Grey. This is the book written by female British author “E. L. James” that became a huge bestseller, devoured by pretty much every woman on Earth except my wife (or so she claims).

I think I might be the only man who read this book. I did it sneakily, hiding the cover, especially when I was on an airplane, which actually is a good place to read this book because you have access to a barf bag. I say this because of the writing style, which is . . . OK, here’s one tiny sample of the writing style:

“Did you give him our address?”
“No, but stalking is one of his specialties,” I muse matter-of-factly.
Kate’s brow knits further.

That’s right: This is the kind of a book where, instead of saying things, characters muse them, and they are somehow able to…

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NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge, Round 1

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Click to read “Passing the (Olympic) Torch”

I recently entered the 9th Annual NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge, a competition consisting of three rounds, the first of which ended at midnight on Saturday.

1,440 writers were divided into forty-eight “heats” and assigned a genre, subject, and character.

My prompts? Comedy, a family reunion, and a waiter.

The results of the first round won’t be released until March 10th (at midnight—see a theme developing?), but they’ve allowed us to post our stories offsite and link to their forum for feedback. So I created a Short Stories tab with the hopes of adding at least a couple more stories from the competition (as I mentioned, there are three rounds), as well as some of my future endeavors.

Also required of the participants in the challenge: create a one or two sentence (max) synopsis of the story—a catchy logline, if you will. Here’s mine:

What’s the god of wine, women, and song to do when his light-in-the-sandals son aspires to be nothing more than a mere waiter? When you’re Dionysus, you gird your loins, take a swig of Mavroudi, and hope to Hades your father, Zeus, is just as understanding.

If you’d like to take a look, I’d love to have you read. Click this link or enter through the tab up top for my submission: Passing the (Olympic) Torch.

Peace,

MLSwiftSignature

MikeBeach

M.L. Swift is a lover of words who squanders away his afternoons arranging them into sentences which, when combined, resemble fiction. He has written articles for Writer Unboxed and The Alzheimer’s Reading Room, and as a caregiver for ten years, plans a novel on his experience. He lives in the Florida panhandle with his two dogs, Rameses and Buster, and spends his nights fighting a losing battle to reclaim his side of the bed.

What Does a Writer Need to Succeed? Redirect to Writer Unboxed

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Photo by John P.

Well, it’s finally happened. The staff at Writer Unboxed—normally an academic, professional, sane group of folks—have lost their collective minds and put the keyboard in my hands for the day. Either that, or Hell has frozen over. Regardless of the “why’s” and “what-the-for’s,” it’s a sure sign of the coming apocalypse.

While there, I’ll be addressing the Six Things Every Writer Needs To Succeed in my usual, charming, sardonic way. I invite you to join the discussion and see what didn’t make the list. It may surprise you.

Is that four horsemen trotting along the hilltop?

Peace,

MLSwiftSignature

MikeBeach

M.L. Swift is a lover of words who squanders away his afternoons arranging them into sentences which, when combined, resemble fiction. A caregiver for over ten years, he has written several articles for The Alzheimer’s Reading Room, and plans a novel on his experience. He lives in the Florida panhandle with his two dogs, Rameses and Buster, and spends his nights fighting a losing battle to reclaim his side of the bed.

Merry Christmas!

“God bless us, everyone!”
- Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

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© 1992 – Walt Disney Studios. All rights reserved.

May you and yours have a joyous and safe holiday season. See you in 2015.

Peace,

MLSwiftSignature

MikeBeach

M.L. Swift is a lover of words who squanders away his afternoons arranging them into sentences which, when combined, resemble fiction. A caregiver for over ten years, he has written several articles for The Alzheimer’s Reading Room, and plans a novel on his experience. He lives in the Florida panhandle with his two dogs, Rameses and Buster, and spends his nights fighting a losing battle to reclaim his side of the bed.

C. Lee McKenzie’s Latest: Sudden Secrets

CLeeSuddenSecretsWith her most recent endeavor, Sudden Secrets, C. Lee McKenzie has released yet another novel that the angst-ridden tweens, teens, and young adults are sure to eat up. Other than the blurb below, I can’t tell you much, but if it’s anything like her previous books and short stories, it’s destined to find a sacred place on the shelves of personal YA libraries around the world.

One Secret

Cleo has struggled to heal after her baby sister’s death, but the flashbacks to the accident won’t go away. With the move, she vows to keep her tragedy a secret and avoid pitying looks. 

One Mystery

Something’s strange about the abandoned house across the street—flashes of light late at night and small flickers of movement that only someone looking for them would see.

Everyone says the house is deserted, but Cleo is sure it isn’t, and she’s sure whoever is inside is watching her.

Another Secret

In one night, Belleza’s life changes forever. So famous, her only choice is to hide her secret from the world so she can silence small town bigotry.

Then Cleo happens.

C. Lee McKenzie and Sudden Secrets, as well as her other books, can be found at the following links:

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Peace,

MLSwiftSignature

MikeBeach

ML Swift is a writer of Middle Grade, Young Adult, and Adult fiction, although he dabbles in many genres.
An Alzheimer’s caregiver for the past ten years, he has published several articles on The Alzheimer’s Reading Room, the largest online website catering to that community, and plans to write a novel about his experience in caregiving.
He resides in Florida with his dogs, Rameses and Buster, attempting to reclaim his side of the bed.